Sunday, August 3, 2014

Laughter Fixes Almost Everything

Having this dark outlook is not good. I need to pull myself out this depressed funk I am in. I need a brighter outlook. Laughter has been seriously missing in my life lately. Some of my favorite memories are of my family watching slapstick silly movies. I have mentioned this before. I have been seriously lacking in my humor fixes lately. I need a movie marathon of silliness. I need to laugh until my sides hurt. Laugh til crying type silliness. I need a day of people watching. Observing folks going about their lives and narrating their thoughts to myself. The more outrageous the better. I can be very creative. To start my path to happier me, my youngest and I watched a favorite of mine, Matilda. Such a great movie. Listening to him laugh with me was the best medicine. I need a good friend to have an outing with. Maybe a trip to the bookstore. Humor books! A good friend to sit and have coffee or tea and read. Just being in a bookstore is medicinal for me. Surrounded by books is so wonderful. I know all about libraries, but a bookstore is different. You either get it or you don't. I need a friend who gets it. My sister does! Many fond memories of hours in the bookstore. Laughing and laughing. Always buying at least one book or magazine to continue the liveliness at home. My niece and I the summer I was 18 would go to the frozen yogurt store, (it was a newfangled thing back then). We could sit in the car and people watch for hours, nursing our yogurts to enjoy both the wonderful sweetness and the entertainment for as long as possible. I need a day of walking through the mall laughing so hard that nothing we are saying is making sense. A simple sound or word and we dissolve even further into gales of laughter. Bonus points if one or both of us needs to pee! Certainly making a spectacle of ourselves and not caring. Trying on the most outrageous things we can find. Beautiful clothes that are not our style at all. The more different the better. Laughing like hyenas in the dressing room that we are sharing. Trying on "stripper shoes". The higher the better. Grown up pretending. I know momma would not be happy that I have lost my funny side. I seem to have replaced it with a bitter type humor. She would want me to be happy. She enjoyed laughing. She and her best friend would laugh and laugh at their own silliness. I miss her laughter. I miss her. I need to share that with my boys. I need to give them memories of their momma laughing like that. I laugh with them. My boys are wonderfully creative and they make me laugh. But I also need a good friend to do this with. People slowly creep away when you have a catastrophic event in your life. I am no different. People who were here for me are no longer. Some just don't know what to do or say. Some it hits close to home, that horrible grief. People who I thought would be there for me forever are not. Some even going so far as to be horrid. Casting accusations towards me of horrible things I supposedly did at my mother's services and the gathering after. I admit I was barely coherent that entire day, but I would never do what I was accused of. NEVER. Even saying I handled things badly at the hospital the NIGHT SHE DIED. Apparently I didn't pay attention to the manners book on the day we covered what to do in the midst of horrendous, awful, stabbed to the very depth of your soul type of all consuming grief. Gotta learn to take better notes. Now the issue is how to find a friend to be silly with. Why isn't there an online Find Your New Bestie! type match service? I should start one. No not really, sounds like too much work. I only want 10% of whoever uses my idea. I will also be the first candidate. In the meantime, I will enjoy my movies. I will go to the bookstore. I will go to the mall. Even if I go alone. Laughing alone on a bench in the mall might give others who are in need of some good old fashioned silly humor a smile or even a fit of laughter. Maybe I will wear a big silly hat, to inspire them. You know I have one. Or 7. Go laugh at something, you'll feel better. I promise.

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