Monday, April 14, 2014
Center of the Universe!
When we are little we feel, and are encouraged to feel, that we are the center of the world. To our parents and family we are. As we grow we learn we are not. A harder lesson to learn is that everyone has their own view of the world and the people in it. That they have different interactions with the same people as we do and they ultimately have different relationships with them. Expecting them to have identical views as we do is wrong. And yet I do that. It is something I am working on. Learning to let go of anger towards people is just one part of healing. I have had the expectation of friends and family to have the same view of people as I do due to MY interactions with them. Or the way they have treated me wrong or right. Mostly wrong. Because of holding onto some anger I expected others to have a negative view of people, too. How selfish am I? Very. Now that I am on this path of healing I have to continue no matter what the consequences are. I am having a harder time with this part. How to apologize to my friends and family for expecting them to treat people good or bad because I said to? Because this person did something wrong to me they have to hate them, too? Pretty center of the universe here aren't I? I want to move forward. I need to figure out how I feel about people now that I am letting go of all this garbage I've been carrying around. If I forgive them do I now have to "like" them? I don't think so. Yet can I accept that others around me may? Can I accept that they may have relationships with these people that are separate from my relationships with them and these people? My inner 2 year old is having a major temper tantrum; yelling, kicking, screaming, holding her breath. While I stand there and listen to them speak of plans they have with or an experience they have had with these people. And smile. While my mind is imaging horrible "accidents" for them. I said it is a work in progress. Growing up is hard. I hope to get there someday.