Sunday, January 12, 2014
Today is the day one year ago Momma passed. My therapist and I discussed my plans for today. She suggested I not work and take the day to honor my mom. She asked what mom liked to do. Now saying this to my family will elicit a few laughs. Mom had the reputation of not liking anything. Remember the vegetable soup that was "too vegetably"? Yep Mary Contrary was something I called her on those bad days. But she wasn't always like that. It was only after her congestive heart failure that she became a tad nasty. Her doctor had suggested she take anti depressants as this is common with heart patients after an episode. Nope she refused. Of course she would! But I can go back to my childhood. Momma loved to sew. I had amazing dresses! I could tell her about a dress I saw and she could make it without a pattern. I remember her coming home and deciding to make a skirt before meeting that night. Boom a new skirt! She was talented and enjoyed it. I am not sure when that went away... She would knit, too. All the babies got new blankets. She taught me to knit. The one thing though that Momma truly loved was to have her family all together. To be in the kitchen cooking and chasing kids out of there. All the while complaining and smiling about it. She loved having the whole crew at her small trailer. Laughter coming from all sides. It didn't have to be a special day or anniversary. Just because. She loved planning and shopping for all the stuff needed. On our birthdays she insisted on taking us to lunch. So for the guys who couldn't leave the shop we would do elaborate lunches for all the guys. She cooked mounds of spaghetti with salad and bread. We did chickens, macaroni salad and her wonderful orange jello with apples and cool whip especially for Eddie. Daddy would always get a special dessert, usually a chocolate cake. As she got frailer I took over the actual making and delivering of the meals with her directing of course. We started to buy the already prepared items and then just add a few of our own touches. And then that stopped, too. I suppose to truly honor her would be to have a huge gathering of all of us. But that is not to be. We are fractured. We don't come together at all any more. That happened when she fell. Something changed that day. As I laid on the little cot next to her in the hospital that evening I knew everything was going to change. I just didn't know by how much it would be then. NO more family dinners. It was as if she was the glue and she was no longer there to keep us attached. Some of don't even speak to each other. There are spats and tiffs. I guess we were not that close of a family like I had always thought we were. I am going to honor my mother by making sure my little group always stays close. That we have family dinners, where anyone is welcome. That I am in the kitchen doing the cooking and complaining. It may be much smaller groups, but the laughter and love will be there. I know she will be there with us. I have her recipes. Most in her unique handwriting. And I will miss her. Always.