I need a wife or a keeper or something!

I joined the living today. It was not pretty. My kitchen is indeed a disaster area. I have no idea what is on those plates. I may have to throw them out and get new ones. *shudder* As soon as the family saw I had left my bed the "Mom where is...?" Or "Honey have you seen...?" began. I cannot keep track of everything. This fact is proven by my losing EVERYTHING. My keys, wallet, entire purse, just purchased nail glue, car registration due next Monday, water bottle, underwear (that one may need an explanation) and cell phone. I want a wife or a keeper. That way I can yell out random things and get accurate answers. Like, "Hey where is my nail glue?" and not get blank stares or my favorite, "wherever you had it last". Yep Hubby is such a card isn't he. "Is that it?" Pointing to the large bottle of ear drops for the cat. Oh yeah my nail glue comes with a picture of a cat on it. Yep it is a real special nail glue. He does not find humor in my sarcasm, go figure. I gave up looking for the nail glue. Bought some more. Lost it, too. BEFORE I EVEN USED IT. Seriously this is getting scary. Finally located it and this one is not my fault. Aforementioned cat knocked it off nightstand. Maybe she was trying for the ear drops and missed? Now for the moment: keys are on hanger by door, wallet is in purse and purse is on couch,cell phone is on charger, nail is temporarily fixed, car registration is still lost but I can do it online so that one is not a major deal, new water bottle on nightstand--you shouldn't reuse them anyway cancer you know, and undies are right where they belong. Don't ask me in 10 minutes. I know I can remember where all of Youngest Pokemon cards are, Hubby's instruction book to the shop-vac, and where Oldest put his headphones at any given moment. But my stuff, forget about it. I have.