Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Orphaned at 48
Lose your parents as a young child and they will call you an orphan. Lose your parents as an adult and they just call you an adult. Momma died 2 years and 3 months ago. Daddy passed last night. I don't feel like an adult. I feel lost. I feel like I am a tiny little girl in a big dark scary bedroom. Wishing that Daddy would come and turn the light on to chase the monsters away. Wishing that Momma would come in and tell me a story to lull me to sleep. I am an adult. I have children of my own, a job, a house, all the things that would qualify me to be an adult. I got up this morning and went to my job. I put on make up and couldn't help thinking I was playing dress up. There are arrangements to be made. Decisions to make. Plans to carry out. My siblings and I will get it done because we are adults. We will comfort each other, share stories and memories. Laugh and cry. And we will go on. I believe I will always feel like I am that scared child waiting for Momma and Daddy to rescue me, to fix it. Some days I will feel like the adult society calls me. Some days I will feel like an orphan. Death is wrong. No matter what the age it is always too soon. There is always more that needs to be done, to be said. More hugs to give. More kisses. More love. My parents lived a long life. I was very blessed to have them as long as I did. I know that. But it is not enough. It's never long enough. To all the other adult orphans out there, come on over to my house. We will have a play date. I have crayons.