A Different Type of Loss

As we age we change. Our lives change. Our interests can change. For instance I went through an "I like country music phase". Now it's over, thank god. Things I was interested in when I was 40 are different than now and that was only a few years ago. After Momma got sick my thoughts went to the more serious things in life. I was still happy and Pollyanna, but with a grown up edge. After Momma died I went to the dark side. Completely. Hard to find humor. I had a wonderful friend to help me through it. She was wonderful. I don't know how I would have made it through. She is like a sister to me. We are like 2 peas in a pod. Only my end of the pod is old and wrinkled and about to disintegrate and fall off the vine! She is young enough to be my daughter. Her interests are similar as far as movies and music. Animals and having an older parent with some issues. She is however, in the start of her life. She has a baby. She is engaged. She is planning her entire life. I am thinking more of how mine is winding down. Retirement for Hubby and I. College for Robbie. We are in 2 different places. It seems all my friends are in different places in their lives. It makes for a very lonely experience. At work I am surrounded by young ones. I need to find someone who understands who I am and where I am in life. How to make friends at 47? Where to start? Without being thought of "oh here comes that lonely crazy lady". The Gym. Nope I don't sweat on purpose. Church. Ummmm let's leave that one alone for a while. Family members...I don't really have any, either they hate me or I am disliked by them. My son's friend's parents. Those freaks?! NO way. I went to a support group for dealing with grief. Unfortunately it was an older group. I was the young one. We all melded together in our common issue of overwhelming sadness. But that was all. No big connections. I talk to everyone. My kids joke about me making friends with people in the grocery store line. While that is true, they are not a real friend. I have friends from way back that I have lost touch with. I thought about reconnecting, and yet we are not the same people we were then. If they expect me to be the quiet, shy, stand on the sidelines girl I was they would be mistaken. I am not that person. In fact people who know me would not believe I was like that. I am more on the loud side. I have some wonderful friends in cyberland. 1 I have even met in person several times. She is fabulous. But we are so far apart distance wise. I can't call her for coffee or a quick shopping trip. I am starting my  own business and maybe through this adventure I will meet not only someone with similar interests but someone who is in the same time of their life as me. Facing the midlife bulge. Failing eyes at close range. More and more sparkles showing in our hair. Wait she sounds OLD, maybe I don't want that after all. Gotta go practice my twerking!